Dreams, loss and the test of the senses

Last night I dreamt I had my Badger back.

Badger was the Border Collie l had from a pup who died, of natural causes but rather young and rather traumatically in June.

It was already a bad dream. I hadn’t been able to find my partner and was sitting on my parents dining room floor. When there was Badger, actually really there. l was able to pick him up, hold him, and smell him, feel his fur and warmth. He hadn’t died he’d been lost something I’d always been scared of. Then I realised he was hurting, there was a hole in his side, he was missing an organ. Logic kicked in and he was gone. In the dream cried so had l woke up still crying

The thing is that I’d been so exited the day before. Starting my first week of studies and finding that my interests were formulating into a clearer single concept. Why and how do people understand or misunderstand science? What was the foundation of their understanding or lack of it? I was proclaiming the need to study as I didn’t understand how intelligent people could hold such remarkable views. As if I had no experience of this myself – how incredibly hypocritical.

Questions arise of what we mean by belief, trust, knowledge. Why should we trust your observations and deductions when we can’t trust the observations of our own senses? We dare to tell a mother how to care for her child when we still cannot tell her why she cries? We mock an astrologer whilst a physicist goes to church?

From an optical illusion that can fool us that large is small and near is far to the far more fundamental; Fear, grief, those things which affect us so greatly they can affect our physical senses. I can still smell Badger. A memory overrides the reality of the room I’m in. Perhaps this is my subconcious reminding me that l do understand some of this. That I can’t go into study blindfolded and without bias. Perhaps I shouldn’t have eaten late or watched animal programs before bed. Either way, these are realities of life that I must consider if I am to make any realistic understanding of why we think the way we do about Science.


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